What is God to me?

I'm not one who is big into "new year's resolutions". Matter of fact, I tend to avoid them simply because when I fail to keep the resolution(s) that was too lofty to begin with, then I feel like a dismal failure. However, in the last few months, I've asked the Lord to help me have a deeper walk with Him and to give me an unquenchable desire for Him and His presence in my dull, everyday life.

I am thrilled that He has done that for me. I want so much to learn more about Him and to get to know Him as He wants me to. For so long, well, all my life I suppose, I have had this concept of God as a judge or a dictator. Someone who is just waiting for me to mess up. Someone who is virtually impossible to please. I have my ideas as to why I've felt this way. I've heard people say that how you view your earthly father will be how you view your Heavenly Father but, at least in my case, that couldn't be further from reality. My earthly father is everything I'd want my Heavenly Father to be like.

But, at any rate... in my quest to learn more about Him and make Him more personal to me, I've been trying so hard to have my devotions faithfully - the traditional way. Go into the room, shut the door (or at least try to get it shut past the pile of laundry that I'm going to try to NOT think about), try to block out the sounds of the kids killing each other, try to stop thinking about the gallon of cool aid they just spilled out there while I'm in here trying to have devtions, read the pre-assigned passages, try to gather my thoughts enough to pray and then spend time silently trying to listen past the banging on the door for His voice to speak to me.

Well..... its not been working. I simply can't do it like that. So, I prayed and told Him. Yesterday as I was working the thought very plainly came to me, "I will meet with you in the place where you can best express your thoughts and feelings." For me, that is the piano.

So, for 2 days now, I've been meeting my Heavenly Father at the piano.

Ever read some of the old hymns? I've been going through the song book. Playing. Singing. Praying. I've felt His presence in such a sweet way. Today the song was, "Day by Day". Wow. Just what I needed!! "Everyday the Lord Himself is near me...." "Day by day and with each passing moment, strength I find to meet my trials here...."

1. Day by day, and with each passing moment,Strength I find to meet my trials here;Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,I've no cause for worry or for! fear.He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,Gives unto each day what He deems best,Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,Mingling toil with peace and rest.

2. Every day the Lord Himself is near me,With a special mercy for each hour;All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me,He whose name is Counsellor and Pow'r.The protection of His child and treasureIs a charge that on Himself He laid;"As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,"This the pledge to me He made.

3. Help me then, in every tribulation,So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,That I lose not faith's sweet consolation,Offered me within Thy holy Word.Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,E'er to take, as from a father's hand,One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,Till with Christ the Lord I stand.

Author: Lina Sandell
Composer: Oscar Ahnfeldt

It's so good to know that my Heavenly Father wants to meet me where I am. He loves me that much!! I know Bible reading is important and I am enjoying my reading so much more now that I don't visualize my heavenly Father as just waiting to punish me for not getting X amount of chapters read that day - or feeling guilty because I didn't feel a great rush of emotion or feeling while reading.

Nowadays, I'm reading for growth and knowledge and then I meet my Father at the piano and we make sweet music together. And my heart is full in the melody of it.